‘This woman destroyed my heart and soul’: After my wife died, her mother turned on me — and presented me with a secret will

Dear Quentin,

My wife of 33 years passed away from cancer a year ago.

We had just moved into our dream house when she was diagnosed with cancer, and her mother wanted to be her caretaker as I operated my trucking company to pay for the immense bills. I allowed her to move in and paid for absolutely everything, including gas for her car.

I always suspected her mother was instrumental in causing trouble in our marriage, as her two daughters have constantly been trying to get us divorced for 20 years. My wife told me to trust her mother with all my heart, she would never do anything to hurt me.

For three years, her mother and I had the best relationship two people could have. I began to love this woman with all my heart and trusted her with my life. I even allowed her to have my wife’s credit card for the last two years of my wife’s life, to pay for her gas and food.

‘I always suspected her mother was instrumental in causing trouble in our marriage.’

Less than 24 hours after my wife passed away her mother suddenly turned on me. She flipped a switch and instantly my wife’s entire family hated me, including her aunts and uncles — all people I had known for nearly 40 years, and never had an argument with.

As a result, I asked her mother to move out. I decided to sell the new house and I went to live in my old house a few miles away. Her mother did move out but stole thousands of dollars worth of assets my wife and I owned. Her communication with me ended as well.

Two months later a suspicious will arose from probate court, as my beautiful wife’s mother wrote one in her own handwriting for my wife online, naming herself executor of her estate and beneficiary of everything she owned.

Opening my wife’s mail

Her other daughter was also on it, and my wife’s aunt, who stayed with us for many months. Their obvious intent was to get possession of our $800,000 worth of assets. This will wasn’t done on our only computer, and wasn’t paid for by my wife’s credit card.

The will was dated on the first day my wife came home from a seven-day stay at the hospital; she didn’t even know her own name for five of them, as they diagnosed her with two massive tumors in her brain after she had strokes and seizures, Todd’s paralysis and other brain issues.

After further investigation, I found out her mother was opening up my wife’s mail and filling out legal documents while my wife was dying in her hospital bed. To gain access to a lawsuit she encouraged my wife to take against the company she worked at for contracting asbestosis.

‘I found out her mother was opening up my wife’s mail and filling out legal documents while my wife was dying.’

The lawsuit was settled three months before she died, and she kept that from me as well. The law firm said I have no right to the settlement, or to even know its value. I am absolutely devastated by what this woman did to me!

I took a case against the will, as my attorney advised. My company and houses were protected, and I am now supposed to get half of the settlement money, whatever it is, and reimbursement of the funeral expenses. But this isn’t about money to me, it’s about justice!

I now want to sue all parties involved in this will, especially the woman who acted like she loved me for nearly four decades, but obviously hated me all along. This woman destroyed my heart and soul, and I am now filled with hatred.

Do you think I should sue them?

Devastated in Ohio

Dear Devastated,

Don’t sue them.

What this woman did was unconscionable, but it is not unprecedented. People will do just about anything when there is money involved, and if they see you as a barrier to that money, and regard you as an outsider, you will be dehumanized and/or demonized in their eyes.

It’s a peculiar kind of sickness called greed, and some parents-in-law or siblings may not believe anyone should have a right to move in on their family system because families are systems: each family has its own set of values passed down from generation to generation.

When you married your wife, she broke free from the rest of her family, psychologically at least, and chose you as her husband. From Day 1, as you say, her mother and relatives regarded you as a threat. And they put in Oscar-winning performances to get what they wanted.

You already sought justice, and you have already gotten a version of that, but vengeance will consume you.

It’s extremely hard to prove that they acted with malice and fraudulent intentions, and this court case would likely cost you thousands of dollars, but mostly cause you a great deal more pain. You already sought justice, and you already got a version of that, but vengeance will consume you.

From your letter, it appears you took a case challenging the mysterious will and the settlement money your wife received from her lawsuit and received at least half of the settlement. Let them have what they walked away with. It will already burn them up that you sued and won.

You were manipulated and, from the sounds of it, so was your wife. But she got the care she needed in her final, I hope peaceful, months; and that’s the most important part of this story. The alleged subterfuge, theft, manipulation and deceit by her mother? It won’t bring them a day’s luck.

Your new life

As you no doubt discovered during your case against your in-laws, a surviving spouse cannot necessarily be disinherited under Ohio law. (Many other states have similar laws.) Others can do as you did, and take a case against the will that attempts to disinherit you.

“If you elect to take against the will, you are entitled to half of your spouse’s net estate, unless there are two or more of your spouse’s children or their lineal descendants surviving, in which case you are entitled to one-third of your spouse’s estate,” says Manning & Clair, a law firm based in Willoughby, Ohio.

In addition to the right to be reimbursed for the funeral expenses, you have the right to remain in the “real property” owned by your late wife for a period of one year after her death, it adds. “You have the right to purchase assets of the estate at the appraised values,” the law firm says.

You did not allow these people to get away with all of your wife’s assets. You were happy. Let that be your north star.

If you don’t allow these people to exit your life legally, personally and emotionally, you will be stuck reliving those final days with your wife forever. What your mother-in-law did was despicable. But don’t let it change who you are.

You stood up for yourself and showed them you are a man who had a big and open heart, but who will not be taken for a fool. Nor did you allow these people to get away with all of your wife’s assets. You and your wife won at life. You were happy. Let that be your North Star.

You hate what your mother-in-law did, but in time and, perhaps with therapy, you can learn to dislike her from afar and disengage from her toxicity. Your wife would want you to be happy, and she would not want you to be filled with hate for something her own mother did to you.

They will move on to their next scheme. Let them.